The secret to success

The Secret to Success

About 25 years ago, I read an article about 10 highly successful people. These 10 people were interviewed and from their responses to various questions, gave insight to the secrets of their success.  I don’t remember now who those people were, but what I do remember from this article, was that they all had similar things in common.  Their response to one particular question about their lives and what they had attributed their success to baffled me.  

They were all asked ‘Who is your top priority?’ Without exception, they all said that they prioritise themself first.  Before their partner, their children, their parents, everyone! 

25 years ago I was married with two young children. My own family’s well being was my top priority.  If you had asked me back then that same question, I would have said my husband and children.  I was shocked to hear that their top priority was themselves.  How could it be?  However when you think about it, it all makes sense. 

When faced with issues concerning family, friends etc. my late father, Cyril Peters would say to me “I don’t mean this rudely, but mind your own business” meaning that I should focus on myself.  This was amazing advice as focussing on yourself prevents you from being caught up in other people’s lives which you have no control over.  It also helped me to gain perspective and to realise that we can only control ourselves and our response to outside situations.  He would also tell me to take care of myself first and give me the example of when you travel abroad by aeroplane as the cabin crew are running through the safety procedures, they clearly tell you that if an oxygen mask comes down from overhead, that parents need to put the mask on themselves first before assisting their children.

If you don’t look after yourself, then how can you look after others? To have a healthy, successful and balanced life, you need to love yourself by taking care of yourself through prioritising yourself. 

I have written this blog to give meaning and understanding into loving yourself, what it means and why it is so important.

The concept of loving yourself shouldn’t be confused with liking yourself as realistically It can be quite hard to actually say that you like yourself. However, if you love yourself, in time you learn to like yourself.

When we reach a certain age, we don’t need our parents to meet our needs, they become our guidance as we become independent and are able to look after ourselves.  Whether we do a good job of this or not can be evidenced by how happy and successful we are in our life.  With the right balance of self care, we can excel beyond our own expectations.  We therefore need to aim to love ourselves in the way our parents would love us.  Let me explain.

As a Tarot Reader, during a reading, my clients may select the Empress or Emperor Tarot cards.  These cards from the Major Arcana are guidance for you to ‘parent yourself’ in a particular way.

The Empress Tarot card has the energy of the archetypal mother.  The Empress is loving, caring and nurturing.  She speaks kindly, is warm, friendly and guides from her heart.  She takes care of your needs and looks after your general wellbeing.  She encourages you to follow your dreams, take the pathway in life that best reflects your strengths and passions. 

The Emperor Tarot card is the archetypal father.  He displays protection, support and shows self discipline, self control and how to put down boundaries. He encourages assertiveness and firmness. He is your rock and support. He demands a certain kind of respect.

What we can learn from the Empress and Emperor role models are how we should take care of ourselves and the qualities that best serve us.  If we follow the examples of these role models then we will feel nourished and well looked after in all ways.

Loving yourself really means prioritising yourself.  It doesn’t mean being selfish but making time for yourself so that you can enjoy the things that you both need and love. Looking after yourself also means being kind to yourself.  You can show yourself love by; speaking nicely to yourself.  How often do you criticise yourself by calling yourself unattractive or other derogatory names?  “I’m an idiot, I look fat, I can’t do anything right or I’m not enough.”  This negative self-talk is very damaging and is certainly not loving but yet we still do it.  

Looking after yourself also means treating yourself to something or enjoying an experience.  It could be a hot soak in a candle lit bath, a pamper session, sketching or playing a round of golf.  Taking time for meditation or reading a book or a day trip.  It doesn’t really matter what it is as long as it's something that you enjoy. So don’t wait, treat yourself today!

Loving yourself also means showing self discipline by restricting yourself from doing things that don’t serve you or pushing yourself to do something that does.  That could mean restricting your diet in some way or making yourself do exercise.  It might entail you putting down boundaries with others if you feel taken advantage of in some way.  It might mean taking a course that you’ve always longed to do.

Self love/self care is such an important topic and one that we may feel we don't need to address within ourselves. Hopefully this short blog has highlighted the importance of making yourself a priority.

I have personally gone through challenging times in my life where I have not properly looked after myself and allowed myself to entertain toxic relationships and friendships.  Self love teaches you to focus on yourself and give yourself the permission to self-nurture. Ultimately, we grow in so many ways and enjoy our lives so much more if we put ourselves first.

A Tarot reading will highlight the areas in your life that you need to grow in and work on to improve yourself so please reach out to me for guidance or for Life Coaching guidance.